Reply to Should I be honest with my mom’s grief counselor?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s happening abroad to my understanding; maybe there are different requirements for counselors.
The fact that you are NC and still are pained by this attempt shows you need your own counselor OP[/quote]

This is OP. It was actually after some counseling sessions that I felt empowered enough to go NC. I am from a culture which is very focused on filial piety and the idea of estrangement is quite shocking to people in my culture. My mom is an emotionally disturbed person whom I suspect also has Borderline personality disorder. Under her so-called concern for my well-being is really a need for control and I refuse to fulfill that desire for her. Which is why I’m thinking that it’s better to call the counselor rather than give her a response via email as I really like to maintain NC. If she actually shows a response via email to my mom, it would just be used as ammunition. I think pain for someone in my situation is quite a natural response. [/quote]

You can call if you want to, OP. But [b]the counselor is just an extension of your mom. I think you should go no contact on the counselor too.[/b][/quote]

I don't agree with this at all. 
[b]I agree with you that you should call the counselor OP, however you should state at the beginning of the call that this will impericly be the one and ONLY time that you will have a discuss of this nature.

The counselor needs to state at the beginning of the call, before anything else is discussed, that they understand, respect & wil l abide by this.

If they don't or won't, then you thank them for their time, but if they can't respect your rule than there's nothing more to discuss.

This may be cathartic for you, OP.[/b]
[/quote]

[b]I think if you are contacting the counselor this is the way to go.[/b]

I just worry that this is not a professional and that they are not operating under what most of us assume to be the norms in the field of socials work/therapy/etc. I mean, if this is a person with no formal training or licensure and they are just calling themselves a “counselor” I am concerned that they will not know how to behave in a way that respects your boundaries. Just be sure you are taking initiative in making sure your needs are met if you do establish contact. [/quote]

1000% agree with the two pp's.
Make the call, but YOU control the direction it goes in.

I also agree that it may be cathartic for you op, because you may be able to find out things about your mother from this counselor, that you'd never find out in a discussion with your own mother because she's so manipulative and abusive.

If this is a true counselor, maybe they can explain why she did the things she did & what her actual diagnosis is.

You'll know right away if they're not a licensed counselor, so just be on guard... if they speak to you on speaker phone, I'd be concerned that your mom is sitting right there listening. 
Listen and be aware of what's being said & more importantly, what's NOT being said.

I say give it a chance... you're in the driver's seat & you have all of the control. 
Good luck!

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