Reply to S/O maximum number of kids to ensure dual working couple

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[quote=Anonymous]Agree two is your sweet spot. On thing I would think HARD about is on work flexibility. Do you both have it? This is key if you want to keep one of you from becoming a SAHP.

If one of you has a very demanding job with little flexibility, and the other has flexibility, there will be a lot of pressure on the flexible parent. Depending on the job and the personality, this might be okay, but it is a lot to be the primary parent and hold down a full time job. Especially if the spouse is never around due to long hours, demanding clients, work travel, or all of the above. Even with a nanny (the nanny will need to be managed as well) and other help. Maybe a very supportive family member could make it work, but this is rare.

Meanwhile, if you both have very demanding jobs, you may be constantly at war with each other. Nanny can accommodate the day to day, but what about all the one off stuff? The violently ill kid? The last minute work trip? The death in the family? This stuff comes up all the time, especially once you both hit 40 and your careers are in a specific place and your life is in a specific place. The pressure for one of you to scale back will be intense unless, again, you have a close family member who can offer intense support. Again, rare.

And finally, how do you each feel about your jobs? Do you love them? Because the more kids you have, the more stressed you'll be. And while being a SAHP has some very well-known drawbacks, it can start to look very appealing if you hate your job, you miss your kids, and your spouse makes enough money for you to technically live on.

Anyway, I would be prepared for some middle ground options. For instance, I took a year off for maternity leave, and then worked part time for three years, and then went to full time. My career took a knock, as did our finances, but it got us to the place we wanted to be. We originally both wanted to work straight through (and have a second kid). The reality of parenthood changed things. No regrets, but it's not easy.[/quote]

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