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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - Thanks, PPs.  And I'm sorry to those who have had to deal with this kind of situation - it feels like a special kind of hell.

Kids are both in elementary school and they don't know AP exists, yet. So they don't seem to understand why we might do Thanksgiving and Christmas separately. They do know we are divorcing, so I have made it about that. A clean break is what I would selfishly like to do, but I worry about how that will affect them. I would prefer to never speak to him again, but obviously that is not realistic. [/quote]

You don't need to speak to him.  Do everything by email and text.  He can have them in the day for Thanksgiving and you can have them after 5PM.  Reverse for Christmas.  You need to make a custody plan with him and then make a calendar so they know what's going on.  They will figure out the AP soon enough so he needs to go ahead and tell them.  They probably know more than you realize.  Best wishes.  It sucks.[/quote]

I was going to post this until I read yours.

OP needs to get a good lawyer, and 86 this cheater out of her life. I would stress and get it in writing he's not allowed to have the kids alone with this AP. He's not married to her so legally she can have that in the divorce papers. It's best to be honest to the children as to why you're getting divorced. While I agree you should never talk poorly about the other spouse, they need to hear it from you OP. not a grandparent, aunt or other family member down the road. That will happen at some point. Be honest that dad started dating and didn't want to stay married. Answer any questions honestly then move on. Do the calendar and only communicate with him by texts. And the kids will decide on their own the kind of relationship they want with him.[/quote]

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