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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My MIL does this, too. She also once told me she envied me because I had a pretty sling carrier for when my daughter was a baby and "you always have beautiful things." It made me feel a little sad because I know it comes from a place of feeling less than (which she shouldn't!).

I think one reason the MIL relationship is often fraught is that MILs are often going through a challenging time in their lives (menopause, aging, losing friends and family and spouses, dealing with their own health issues) and they may look at their DIL as a reminder of everything they wish they had or feel like they've lost. Now, that's not really fair to a DIL, but it's also a pretty understandable attitude.

Anyway, I just assume my MIL is staring at me because she's working through those feelings. I try to be nice to her but also maintain my own boundaries. It's a bit of a dance at times. But I do think I'm doing better with the empathy thing since my FIL passed away. Anyway, sorry OP -- being stared at is not fun and I wish your MIL would stop. But I doubt it's malicious. And I guarantee it's much more about her than you.[/quote]

LOL, your MIL's probably staring at you because she's hoping she didn't act like you when she was younger.  I'm not a MIL or old enough to be a MIL, but sometimes, I can't believe the young women I encounter and cringe that I may have been so tone deaf in my younger years.

BTW, please don't pretend that you have empathy when it's really pity.[/quote]

PP here. I don’t pity my MIL but I do pity you. Projecting much?[/quote]

[b]Like I said, your MIL's watching you and is horrified, but you keep telling yourself it's because she's jealous and working through her feelings, lol.  If you ever develop any self-awareness and maturity, you'll be horrified at yourself, too.  But, I'm doubting that will happen. [/b]  :D [/quote]

NP: Uh no these women are not doing anything that is horrible, they are simply being themselves.  What the original poster wrote about conflicting feelings can often be true.  My MIL acted out a lot throughout menopause, she did really inappropriate things such as staring, lying, causing trouble.  She had no handbrake and no self control.  Luckily now that menopause is over she is half normal but still not nice, menopause just brought it all out.  Maturity is understanding that, empathy is asking what is going on in someone else's life for them to act that way.

OP it would be really uncomfortable.  I'm sure MIL is having many thoughts about you during the time she is staring at you, I'm not sure they would be all nice.  You are probably lucky she hasn't yet unleashed on you all her thoughts.  One day that may happen.

I would maybe do what some other posters have said and ask her "Is there something you wanted to ask me" or "Oh sorry did you say something".  Call her out or if you don't want to do that change the seating arrangements so she is next to you or diagonal you.  Perhaps she feels the two of you should be talking however as you say there is conversation which you join in. [/quote]

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