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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Here's what you do.

You acknowledge to your wife that your brother is mentally disordered (ADHD? they often can't keep jobs and struggle with organization, time-keeping and emotional regulation - medication works wonders, BTW), and that she is right not to trust him or want a meaningful relationship with him.

However since he is mentally disordered and handicapped, you can perhaps pay for a bill every now and then. Never give him money. Pay the landlord or other creditor directly. It's an act of brotherly support and charity, but does not come with a socialization requirement. It does, however, buy you leverage with your parents and other relatives. They cannot claim you are turning your back on your own flesh and blood.

And then you can occasionally see him with your parents, with or without your wife. I'm sure if he stops complaining to all and sundry about her, and short of an apology, acts in a contrite manner around her, she'll grace a few family events with her presence.

All this mending of fences and treatment of bruised egos take time. Take advantage of the pandemic, while all family gatherings are postponed, to sort all this out.

[/quote]

Nope.  You can meet your brother on your own with the permission of your wife a few times a year.  He does not get to talk about your wife or children.  You do not give him money.  You do not even pay for his coffee.

[/quote]

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