Reply to Covid throwing monkey wrenches into relationships

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So sorry OP.

Yes, unfortunately, this new social pressure is here to stay for awhile.  Just be clear and kind.  You can say nicely but firmly you are not willing to up the risk.  I think the pp who made it sound like an extra two people are no big deal demonstrates the problem.  Some people realize, it is no longer “2 more people”.  It is everyone the two people interacted with the week before you have to worry about.  So adding 2 more people has a multiplier effect.  
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This is a good way (IMO the correct way) to think about it.  But OP is correct that many people are sensitive about others' risk tolerance and some are getting offended to the point where friendships and family relationships are getting strained at best.  It's a sad collateral damage of COVID.   I'm always surprised to see people mention they were "comfortable" in a particular venue. Yes, masks or PPE help and you can see those, but you can't see or feel exposure to a virus, so I wouldn't take that much comfort in how you feel based on visual observation.

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OP here. I agree. There is a misguided sense that if you "feel" ok, it's ok. I haven't seen my own parents nor siblings since March, and that's because we've all realized it has nothing to do with how we "feel." This is a highly contagious virus that doesn't take into consideration how comfortable we feel with each other. [b]That's why I'm so suprised by my friend [/b]altering the plans. She's known people who fell deathly ill from Covid. And things are getting worse out there. We're at record numbers and that tells me now is not the time to bring people into our home we don't know well. We didn't do that back in April,[b] so why now?[/b] [b]For the life of me I don't understand why my friend thinks[/b] DH and I should be ok with this. If my own siblings, who I haven't seen for months, visited, I certainly wouldn't bring them to anyone else's house. That's the last thing I'd do, especially knowing that one of them is always on public transportation.

Thank you for all of the advice. This is not easy to navigate, and not something I expected to have to navigate seeing how bad this winter may be. DH is leaning towards just calling off the whole thing, and I'm starting to think for the sake of keeping the peace, and staying healthy, that may be the best thing to do. Oh well. There's always next year. 
 
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Because she misses her brother and wants to include him.  The only reason this is breaking relationships is because people see any difference in risk evaluation or tolerance as a character flaw, or as totally incomprehensible, or as some kind of judgment on them.  Is your friend generally reckless?  Do you think she's taking proper precautions generally?  If so, then this is a relatively minor difference of opinion.  If you see it that way, and see your friend's desire to include her brother as born of love (including love for her kids -- perhaps they'd LOVE to see their aunt and uncle), then it's a lot easier to navigate it.  You can drop all the judgment, just tell you what you are or are not willing to do, and accept whatever decision she makes without holding a grudge.    [/quote]

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