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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I totally understand where you are coming from.  The issue is not the coat or the notebooks, it is the emotional manipulation,  guilt trips, anger. It is exhausting.  Perhaps give your brother a lump sum - maybe $250? That's it. From the lump sum he must buy what he needs.

By the way, my sister and your brother are identical twins if you know what I mean. [/quote]

Then why didn't she set up those "boundaries" ahead of time?  It sounds to me like OP is playing a cat and mouse game with her brother and that is completely unfair.  She is being so passive aggressive in not defining her "boundaries."  OP's brother is not the only person with the mental health problems in their brother-sister dynamic.[/quote]

I did set boundaries. But therapist asked if I could help cover this one thing, which wasn’t one thing. [/quote]

Obviously what you set was not well planned and inadequate.  Don't you wonder why that happened?  Aren't you going to take responsibility for that?  You sound very good at casting shade but not at all good about taking ownership for your own bad decision-making and boundary-setting.[/quote]

It was inadequate in the sense that my brother needs more help than anyone can give him. It happened because I listened to his therapist, who I realize now probably is less concerned about health family boundaries than the solvency of his patients (in the sense that money problems exacerbate things; my brother is no where near the problems his other patients face b/c of a trust).  I had set boundaries of only giving money at holidays and birthdays, and not giving advice (he is always looking for someone else to take care of him and make his decisions for him).  I still didn’t give advice but I wanted to support the therapists new approach, but didn’t appreciate the divergent concerns between the therapist and myself.

When my parents were alive, my brother never lived off his own income, even with advanced professional degrees from good schools. He always had help from our parents to live the way he wanted; they weren’t rich but basically bankrupted themselves trying to get him to adulthood. He would call them several times a day to get reassurance or have them make a decision for him. I do not want to be on that role, but I know my brother is looking for someone to take it (he had an older married sugar mama for a while, but predictably that ended in drama)[/quote]

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