Reply to Is it wrong to ask an SO if they have ever been intimate with a specific friend?

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Reply to "Is it wrong to ask an SO if they have ever been intimate with a specific friend?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I used to think yes, but now I think no.

When I wanted to know those kinds of details, I was very insecure and jealous. It had nothing to do with their trustworthiness and everything to do with my issues.

If you don’t trust your partner, and you don’t want them to have a fulfilling life with good friendships, then it’s not the right relationship for you.

Also...I’m older now, and who someone had sex with doesn’t seem that important in the grand scheme of things. Are they a good person? Do they treat me well? Do they treat others well? Those are the things I care about now. 
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OP here. That's a mighty tall house you are riding.  I actually don't have a problem with exes remaining friends, or my SO remaining friends with exes, I've done it before and dated guys with friends that were exes, and in some cases I became friends with exes. I've always been upfront about it, and so were my exes, which I take as a sign of maturity and respect that you'd consider your SO's feelings and not want to potentially have them in an awkward situation as pps have pointed out.[/quote]

PP here, I’m not totally sure what riding a tall house means, but I didn’t mean any offense and I’m sorry you took it that way.

But I stand by it. For me, it’s one of those “past stays in the past” things, like how many people you’ve slept with or how attractive past partners were. My SO would need a very good reason to ask me if I slept with someone, and I wouldn’t answer if it was coming from a place of judgement or jealousy.

What situations would make it awkward? I can’t really think of any...if someone accidentally spilled the beans during a public outing (“remember the time back when you were dating Larla”) it wouldn’t bother me at all. People have sex, I’m not too hung up over it.

Of course you have the right to ask whatever you want. If it’s eating you up that much, go for it.

Is there something else going on? The only time I had a problem with a female BFF was when my bf was more emotionally intimate with her than with me. I knew they had dated and was fine with it, but I was bothered that he shared all his feelings and thoughts and dreams with her instead of me.

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You need to get over yourself.[/quote]

You sound very stupid. PP has it right.

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So if your bf had slept with your sister  you wouldn't want to know that?[/quote]

Oh come on. If you're going to go with a ridiculous extreme that has nothing to do with OP, don't go for sister. You can get way wilder.[/quote]

So the past does matter. [/quote]

Yes. If her BF f-d his dog, she should break up with him.

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