Reply to How to be a good mother when mentally ill

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Purge and downsize material stuff. The less you have the easier it is to stay on top of it. Fewer clothing means less to put away. Only having enough toys that can be put properly away in storage bins on shelves. Buy something new, something old has to be donated. You would be amazed at how less stuff alleviates so much stress of keeping up with the mess.

It is not going to fix the feeling but it will help you feel more like you are on top of it.[/quote]

This is actually really helpful and practical advice. An environment that isn’t stressful actually DOES help the feelings of being overwhelmed, and this is a goal that OP can work towards. [/quote]

I agree.

The other thing I'd bring up -- and I think this is really, really important -- don't deny reality. Don't rewrite history in your head and invalidate the actual experiences of your kids.

There is a blurred line here where not remembering gets smushed in with not wanting it to be true. It may be very hard for you to live with what you might do during bad episodes or flares, but your kids had to live through it, too. Even if it's hard to admit to yourself (much less others), find a way to do that. If you truly don't remember, don't assume nothing bad happened.

My mother knew she abused me during her worst episodes. She was frantic about saying things like "your father and I never hit you." I don't know where she thought I grew up, but I still have scars. I could deal with her illness and abuse, but it was terribly hard to be told that I was lying and that what happened to me was something I made up. Find a way not to do that. It was so lonely, and I didn't trust myself or my ability to name abuse and leave it after that.[/quote]

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