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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP. I"m sorry there are so many jerks on this thread. People could have posted some of the thoughts above without having to insult you as "exhausting" or "needy," both of whihc are so often and so inappropriately used on DCUM that they mean nothing any more.

OP, your post about feeling your DH doesn't "see" you translates, to me, as he seems, to you, to have no interest in you as a person with a past, your own interests, etc. I would wager he doesn't ask you about your opinions of things (whether it's politics, the food you're both eating, the show you're watching, whatever) nor does he show any interest in what you're doing at work/hobbies/with the kids if any. If that is accurate...I agree that the place to start is individual therapy, ASAP. You need an objective third party to help you assess what you're really seeing from him and how you're reacting to it.

If he has always been like this, you may need to rethink what you expect from the relationship and why youd expect something he was never giving you even before marriage. If this is a change, and previously he showed interest in you as a person, then you need to figure out what might have caused the change.

While it's true many men are not great at expressing affection the way many women would like them to -- people can learn to do new things, and that includes learning to meet a spouse halfway in terms of meeting those needs. But yeah, you need to start unpacking this, especially your own needs and expectations and whether you or he has changed, by working with a professional yourself first.

You'll get more of the nasty "leave him alone, you're the problem" posts here, unfortunately. I'm not saying he's evil and you're perfect. But it's pretty hard to be in a relationship if what you want is a spouse who takes [i]some[/i] interest in what interests you, or at least tries. If that's the issue you're talking about, think through why you married him, what is positive in the relationship, why you feel the need to do "bonding exercises" that end up in a dispute, etc. and whether this is a change.[/quote]

OP here and I think you hit upon something  - and that is that this is something about me, not him.  It's something I've struggled my whole life with - feeling "unseen". And I'm trying to get it from him, but I know I won't.  Because, while he is not a bad guy, he's never been someone who understands or is in interested in people except in abstract terms.

Time for therapy. As a child, my goal was to be "unseen" to get through my childhood.  But that tactic is not serving me so well into adulthood.[/quote]

OP, could your husband possibly be on the spectrum?

My husband is and I can imagine him answering those same questions in a very literal manner, like your husband.  If I wanted to know what he loves about me in a loving, affectionate manor that's exactly how I would have to spell out the question to him... EXACTLY.

If I asked him the way that you did, he may say "you make my favorite spaghetti sauce from scratch" or "I love the socks you get me because they don't have the seems at the toes that bother me" (sensory processing issues) or he loves that I take care of everything for him... every question is about him and his likes and needs. 
I would never, ever be offended by any of those answers, because if I asked him such an incredibly vague question as "what do you love about me?"  I'd expect to get those kind of answers back... because in his mind it's all about him.

Also, he has no interests in my hobbies or things I like, because he's so into / almost obsessed with the things that HE likes (two or three subjects for his entire life).

Again, I wouldn't take offense because I know this about him and I KNOW with every fiber of my being that he's not saying it as an insult or to be hurtful... is just who he is.

I know him like a book and I've accepted everything about him... warts and all.
He's also got a lot of great traits. 
He's a good friend, a great provider, he's helpful where he can be, when everyone laughs at something and he doesn't "get " it, he's not ashamed to ask me why it was funny or ask me to explain something... I love that about him.

He's a loving, dedicated and wonderful father and a great husband.  We all have our own places that we fall short in our partners eyes -- all of us do.
Where he falls short, he makes up for in other ways... like with mind blowing sex (fyi, that definitely helped me develop the patience I needed to spend my entire life married to someone on the spectrum, lol).

It's all about saying what you mean and meaning what you say, OP.

Don't play games... if you want him to open up, don't ask him loaded questions in the form of bonding, ASK HIM WHAT YOU WANT TO KNOW SPECIFICALLY.  It does help adjust expectations.

Good luck and please look into therapy... even teletherapy that you can do from home.
You deserve to be happy.

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