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General Parenting Discussion
Reply to "How to be a good mother when mentally ill"
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[quote=Anonymous]Hi OP, I'd start by ignoring all of the "raise yourself up by your own bootstraps" responses. I think people mean well, but they're so off the mark. I grew up with parents who had mental health issues. They held it together well until they were in their 40s, and then things unraveled. I myself suffer from major anxiety. I'll tell you right now that if concerns about your family are on your radar, they show volumes about your values (care for your family, your own interest in self-care). I'd suggest that you not equate your success as a mother with "keeping up with household tasks." Far more important are the things that you listed that you are accomplishing (seeing a therapist, a psychiatrist, and taking your meds). My parents did not do these things, and I wish they would have. Something that you might consider now or down the line is having your own kids see a therapist. I'm doing this with my own children so that therapy, etc is in their "muscle memory." I do it in part because I know I'm not perfect as a mom, and I've learned a lot through the parenting guidance I've gotten from my kid's therapist. Also, because I know that my kids might end up with their mental health issues, I want them to know what to do. Your job isn't to model perfection. It's to model perseverance and humanity. And I'll be honest: the most incredibly important thing my mom ever did for me was to love me unconditionally. I felt so loved and supported. That is within every parent's reach, but it's actually not easy to do. I doubt every parent--especially those fixated on their own children's achievement--can hit that mark. It sounds like you're doing all the right things. I would start by offering yourself some self-compassion. Have you read any of Kristen Neff's work? Mental illness is all around us. More people than not suffer mental illness at some point throughout their lives. Your illness is 1) diagnosed, and 2) being treated. That. is. huge. Take care, OP. [/quote]
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