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[quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks again everyone, and especially to those who have a better understanding of what it's like to be in the shoes of someone like myself. It's very easy when you're not in someone else's shoes to say "oh they're making excuses," if they really wanted to do a,b,c, they could do it.

Really? Okay, let's talk about people starving in India. How many choices do they have? Let's talk about someone who has terminal cancer or another horrible illness. Sure they all have "choices" to deal with their circumstances in different ways, but bottom line someone with terminal cancer is terminal, that is a reality that can't be changed. People starving in India are starving, that is another reality that they themselves can not change no matter how badly they want to.

I didn't come here to argue whether or not I'm making excuses. I came here because I was feeling really alone and trapped with nowhere to turn and needed a place to vent where I felt people who understood could just listen and be there if nothing else.

Anyway, I have been in therapy almost my entire life to deal with the adversities I have been through ever since I was a teenager. I've always been a fighter and a strong person, but as I've said before, there comes a point where a person becomes so worn down from dealing with things for so long that it becomes extremely difficult.

I would definitely say I'm depressed, although not "clinically," because I am functioning fine, eating and sleeping, and find enjoyment in day to day things despite my circumstances.

As explained before, due to my son's issues and the fact that his symptoms are so unpredictable and we never know from one day to the next what will be, enrolling in school/classes, even online or making any type of time commitment is extremely difficult. For example: In the past month, he had two episodes 3 weeks apart that lasted over a week each where he was virtually non-functional, could barely keep his head up or eyes open for more than 30 seconds, was falling into walls, etc. There was no way he could be left alone during this time, and I was basically on the phone, online, and running him to doctor's and Children's hospital.

To answer one of the PPs questions about my husband....the affair and strip club addiction were both discovered about 4 years ago. The affair through an anonymous letter I received in the mail and after that the strip clubs were discovered through credit card receipts.

Unfortunately, he is incapable of being able to comprehend the damage he has done and therefore continued to basically throw me under the bus since "d-day" in many other ways aside from the infidelity. The infidelity and the strip clubs both came to a screeching halt upon discovery, and to my knowledge there has been no activity in either since then.

Sadly, my wanting the divorce actually has less to do with the infidelity than it does with the fact that I came to realize he is just not capable of true empathy, love or compassion and those are things I need in a relationship or marriage.

Aside from that, I also deal with the aftermath of the multitude of mindless things he has done over the years. Leaving my son when he was 8 in a sports bar full of drunks to go out in the mall to get him a calendar; leaving kids next door at the pool by themselves at dusk because he wanted to go home; putting a ladder on a soaking wet deck to clean the gutters and then nearly killing himself and knocking his two front teeth out; peeing in an empty Snapple bottle while driving with my son in the car because he didn't want to bother to pull over, then forgetting he had done that and drinking from the bottle less than an hour later!!  No, he is not on any drugs or alcohol and never has been.  And this is only a small fraction of hundreds of things along these lines I have dealt with.

He has been sleeping on the sofa downstairs now for almost a year and we for the most part lead pretty separate lives, although it's difficult in a small house.

Another PP said something about my being able to afford the $2,500 mortgage with my job. No, that is sadly not the case. I barely make $1,000 a month at the retail job. I have scoured the job market, sent out dozens of resumes, but so far nothing else has panned out. There's no way I can take a full time job because of my son's conditions, so I'm only able to do part-time and it has to be flexible.

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