Reply to How do you deal with seeing people who hurt you out in the world?

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[quote=Anonymous]
I'm so glad you posted this topic, OP.  Whether it's mean girls or gossipy jealous coworkers, many people have struggled with how to handle being the recipient of unfair, cruel, or bullying treatment.

Some of the techniques that can work include reducing exposure. Avoid the hurtful people if you can. Invest a lot in building positive relationships with others. I quit my dream job to get away. (I really missed the work, but not the toxic culture.) You have to decide for yourself how far you want to and can go to establish a safe community for yourself.

The harder part is ending the trauma loop that plays in your head no matter where you are. Try paying attention to when it's happening. For me, oddly, I tend to replay the hurtful moments when I'm drying my hair. To stop the loop, I've started watching the news while I get ready for the day. It gives me something else to focus on. My therapist has also recommended counting things around me, like the number of towels under the sink. (You might try counting items on the menu, for example, at the coffee shop.) Sounds nutty, but it works. It forces you to stay in the moment and not let your mind wander back to the trauma. Your goal is to retrain your brain so you get out of the habit of ruminating on the painful stuff.

Good luck and big hugs.[/quote]

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