Reply to My friends are telling me (f) not to propose to my boyfriend

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't remember what I said. I did once joke about our marriage in 10 yrs to some friends and he was visibly mad. Excused himself from the table mad. He's said something as recently as this summer. [/quote]
He was mad at you?[/quote]

Mad at my comment. We talked about it later he said it upsets him when I say things like that. He says he loves me and we will get married and then he went on complaining about how swamped he is at work. For the last 2 years he has been pulling 80+ hour weeks. [/quote]

So tell him that while he is pulling those 80 hour weeks and not marrying you you will be dating other people.[b] If he wants to date you, you are available at the moment, but you are not cutting off options any longer. Why are you sitting around not dating other people while this workaholic commitment phobe is of working and not proposing to you [/b][/quote]

Until there is a ring, anything else is just talk.  I’ve heard of guys talking about what they might name their kids with you and still don’t actually want to marry.  Also realized that it cost him nothing, he risks nothing and he sacrifices nothing with the status quo.  If you are living together he may have less of a reason to be in a hurry because he has companionship and your constant availability without feeling guilty/responsible for constantly working.  I’m not going to say “why buy the milk”...I am just saying in his own mind there is a difference between dating and married otherwise there wouldn’t be this barrier of it’s okay to date and maybe even live together while my business is getting off the ground but oh no, I can’t be married before I’ve got it together.  Either you aren’t really the right person or he is just really comfortable not being married and taking on whatever would be the difference in his mind.  I don’t see how proposing to him would be helpful if he either doesn’t want to get married to you or isn’t ready.

Maybe a more direct conversation about how he sees marriage, how he sees dating and the difference.  Is it more the provider than the partner 50/50 marriage model and does he see this is as a shift from dating? There was the recent DCUM post of from a  guy (or a really good troll) that wanted a wife that would be SAHM, sign a prenup, and he would be involved when the kids were 8 after he made enough money to retire and wanted to know where he could find a woman that would want the same. You need to make sure you are aligned in your vision of married life.  Once you know you are, then ask what’s the difference between dating and married to him and you explain how you see it.  At some point it’s not about giving anyone an ultimatum it’s about having the same picture and timeline of the future.  As someone said on another thread it has to be the right person, the right time and the right circumstances to work.  Give yourself an internal deadline of when you need to work through if your situation really has all three.

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