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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm 45 y/o and married with kids. I have two friends - one from childhood and one from grad school. They are both incredibly picky. Childhood friend never dated anyone because she wanted to marry only a judge or ambassador, so she didn't even go on dates with anyone who was not marriage potential. My grad school friend is also insanely picky. She only wanted a very rich business man or star biglaw lawyer on the way to partnership, her age or younger. She thinks it's wrong to sleep with someone before dating for many many months and has a lot of very rigid rules, including conversion to Catholicism, engagement after exactly 6 months of dating, house owner in certain neighborhoods and only single family home etc. I personally don't think that not being married or having kids is a big deal, but I'd question someone our age without a meaningful, long-term relationship. To me, it's a flag for emotional immaturity, unrealistic expectations, and/or inability to love.    [/quote]

You have mentioned one of my issues which I’ve been working on and actually put in place when I was on the dating sites. I am picky. I have a “type” that I wouldn’t budge on for a long time. I am better about that and am open to meeting men who aren’t my type. And it’s made me aware that I can enjoy time with those men and be attracted to them. . I’m from a white collar family and I’m a professional as is all of my friends. My group of friends are very successful and I know that I do at times think of them and their opinions when meeting men. I also think of my parent’s opinions. And I know that this is an issue and holding me back.

I am starting to question if I am unable to love or show love? I am an affectionate person, I like to do nice things for the men that I like, I’m a caring person and have been told this numerous times by both sexes. But, I’m wondering if I’m a relationship type of person?

I also am aware that I do have some insecurities that I need to work on. The last person I casually dated about 3 years ago, I really liked. He was newly divorced, I think he was out to sow some wild oats after being in a miserable marriage for 25 years and I wanted more than he did. I know for a fact that my insecurities got the best of me and I didn’t handle things very well. And honestly, that man just got married this weekend and I’m really sad about it. I will NEVER forgive myself for the way I acted with him. I am totally embarrassed and ashamed. And before anyone asks, I had never acted like that prior to him. And I’ve lost all confidence in myself do to that time with him. I look back now and know that he just wasn’t that into me and he wasn’t looking for anything serious when we met, which was 5 years ago. And I know that I did things that looked desperate.  I learned a lot of lessons and a lot about myself. But it has also made me question a lot about myself as well. [/quote]

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