Reply to Here's the thing I don't understand about husbands who don't help out

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Because my husband wouldn’t go back to the store, clean the bathroom again, or watch the kids. He’d do what he wanted and get pissed at me. [/quote]

This. Not only that, but the next time one of those things needed to be done, he'd say "Well I can never do it to your demanding specifications, so why bother?" It would give him an easy out, which is what he's already looking for.

Any halfway decent parent knows that positive reinforcement is a much more effective way of getting your children to behave a certain way, and that criticism tends to make them more recalcitrant and combative.

Yep, I'm comparing my husband to a child. That's because when he was an actual child, his own parents failed to do any of this. They bought into toxic ideas about masculinity that "boys are just messy" or "girls are just naturally more helpful than boys." So my grown ass husband has had to relearn how the world works as an adult because his parents bought into dumb ideas about traditional gender roles. That sucks for both of us, frankly. I don't love having to praise my husband every time he does something normal and expected, like cleaning the shower. And he doesn't like that he is instinctively selfish and childish at times because his parents taught him the wrong stuff.

And before you say "Well, why didn't you marry a better man?" a few things. [b]First, the vast majority of men are like this to some degree or another.[/b] My husband had actually figured some of this out on his own before I even met him, putting him light years ahead of other men I know. But two, toxic masculinity sneaks into all the crevices of a person's personality. You think you've sorted it out and then, boom, you have kids and discover a whole new batch of idiotic assumptions about gender. Sorry, but we all have to keep working on misogyny forever in the hopes that our kids will have a slightly easier time. At let we are working on it instead of eating it up and teaching it to our kids on purpose.[/quote]

I know that you need to tell yourself that, to make yourself feel better.  It puts the responsibility on society as a whole, rather than you.  It's not your fault you married an incompetent ass that you had to treat like a child.

But you should recognize that it's just a deflection - a polite lie you can tell yourself so you don't have to face the truth.  [/quote]
Just by the prevalence of these types of threads, it should be evident that husbands who contribute less than their fair share to the household work aren't rare.  Even studies show that full time working women spend more time on childcare and chores that working men do.  If you truly feel that household duties are shared equally in your family - great!  But you must realize that that situation is less common.
[/quote]

Please google selection bias.  [/quote]

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