Reply to Wondering about a second kid ... very conflicted

Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion

Reply to "Wondering about a second kid ... very conflicted"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] My kids are 6 and 3.5 and we were on the fence about the second when I got pregnant with an oopsie. Mine are less than 2.5 years apart which has been a very difficult age gap for us, personally. A 5-year age gap would be much, much easier. Having 2 kids is crazy, and life is so peaceful when I have them one-on-one. I have to think that your age gap would help you out a lot there, though.

I can't imagine going back to the baby and toddler phases after being out of it for a few years, but YMMV.[/quote]

I think about this a lot, too. I think people idealize having children close together because they assume their kids will be very close. And they may become closer as they get older, but I think close-in-age siblings are most difficult when they are small. That is when they most want/need one-on-one attention from parents, and they will inevitably struggle to get it when there is another child involved. It is not until kids are 6-10 (depending on the kid) that they have an easier time sharing their parents and have enough independence, trust, and social awareness to handle it emotionally without a lot of parental guidance and intervention.

Also, older children can often embrace the "big sister/brother" role more readily. A two or three year old is already going through that "no, I want to do it on my own" phase, which is a big part of what causes meltdowns at that age as their desire to do things outpaces their ability. But by 4 or 5 or 6, an older sibling will have more competence and confidence, so if they want to help with the baby, they actually will be able to do quite a bit (though don't force this on them or turn them into your go-to baby minder -- they are children and get to be children and will resent you for turning them into the third parent). They may enjoy the role more at this age and become more naturally protective and loving towards a younger sibling because they do not view the new baby as a competitor.

I do think close-in-age siblings can also work great, but I don't understand the obsession with them. I think it is mostly more for the benefit of the parents, who can then exit the baby/toddler stage sooner. Which is also fine! But be realistic about what you are doing -- your 2-year-old is not clamoring for a sibling and you will need to put in a lot of work to help make them okay with it. Expect regressions, jealousy, etc. When it's all over you might have two kids who are very close and love to play together. You also might wind up with two kids who bicker a lot. You can't always game it out.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics