Reply to Wondering about a second kid ... very conflicted

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Does anyone ever actually regret having a subsequent kid?

I say go for it.[/quote]

Uh, no, the vast majority don't regret it, per se, because the kid is now already here, and most people love their kids very much. That doesn't mean if you could game out what your life would be like in both scenarios that everyone would actually be happier with their second than without. A big chunk of this is  motivated reasoning-- avoidance of cognitive dissonance. [/quote]

Studies almost universally show that women, specifically, experience higher levels of both happiness and life satisfaction with one kid. Their overall happiness declines with each subsequent kid.

It's not because those mothers don't love their 2nd, 3rd, or 4th kid. It's because our society does not support families. So having one kid is the happiest medium if you want to be a parent (and get all the attendant benefits in terms of more meaning and purpose and yes, joy, in your life) but experience the fewest amount of downsides (lost income, lost time, increased pressure, etc.).

I know, I know, all the women with multiples will jump in and tell me how I'm wrong. I'm sure there are plenty of individual women who are more than happy they kept going after one. I'm too trying to say they are wrong -- it's your life! Live it as you please.

But the studies indicate that there are also PLENTY of people, but especially women, who "regret" having another kid. Even if it's just looking at their dream of retiring at a normal age go poof as college costs mount.

Note: if we lived in a functional society that supported women and families and kids, I'd 100% have another. But we don't, so I won't.[/quote]

OP here. This makes a lot of sense to me. DH and I were talking about it last night — if public schools were more consistent (especially in K-8) and college wasn’t so expensive, we’d have another. But for us, public school is not where we want it to be and we have to be able to pay for at least some of DD’s college tuition.

So for our personal situation, it can’t work. [/quote]

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