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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I have been on the other side of your problem and I empathize with your DH.

My DH maintained contact, some of which crossed boundaries (flirting in emails/social media), with two old girlfriends long into our marriage. When I explained that this was disrespectful of our marriage, DH initial reaction was defensive, asserting that they were harmless friends and that I was overreacting. This reaction by DH caused me to question myself - whether I was overreacting - so I kept quiet about it for years. It took individual therapy for me to normalize my feelings and reactions and discuss again with DH. Older now and long married, we were in a better position to understand.

So, what you see as a "sharp turn" may have been a long covered up grievance by your DH that he kept hidden exactly because of your earlier reactions that what you were doing by maintaining this relationship was completely harmless. [/quote]
This is oP, thank you for your perspective. I can see what you mean, definitely. I mentioned to DH during our conversation that I could see how it would be a tough position because, especially when we were young and dating, I doubt trying to make some ultimatum about my relationship or friendship would not have gone well. So I imagine he felt he had to keep it inside to a point. I tried to make a special point of not feeling like he was accusing me and not getting defensive and jumping to things that you describe, like "you're crazy" or "how could you think I would do that." I do not want to get into that trap -- we are already in some cycles and dysfunctional patterns we are trying to break. [/quote]

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