Reply to Cannot do COVID anymore

Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion

Reply to "Cannot do COVID anymore"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I need the kind of advice that only anonymous strangers on the internet can give.

Since the shutdown began, we have been incredibly careful. We stopped everything and hunkered down. We have two kids - 3.5 and 9 months. It has been so, so hard and I can't take it anymore.

My husband quit his job before the baby was born, and was supposed to start looking for new work after a break. He hasn't been able to do that - he needs to be the primary caregiver for the kids at the moment. The preschooler is in in-person care now every other week. The baby is home all the time. But I feel like I'm doing so much more than half the work. I'm nursing the baby. My husband has been going to a lot of doctors appointments because an old injury has been acting up, so I'm watching the baby a couple time a week while he does that (while trying to work). He doesn't feel like he can safely take both of them to the grocery store, so I'm watching the baby one or twice a week while he goes to the grocery store with the big kid.

My husband sucks at chores but has been trying to do better, but he's busy all the time either watching the kids or at doctors appointments. But we don't feel comfortable having our housekeeper come back. In-person school is our priority, and we are determined that it will be the riskiest thing we're doing. We don't have family nearby. We don't feel comfortable hiring a nanny at the moment because we don't think we can trust someone else to be as careful as we have been. And frankly I feel like we shouldn't have to - we have a whole adult who has no work outside the home!

I am a lawyer in a practice area that has been insanely busy as a result of the pandemic. [b]I'm on track to bill (the prorated equivalent of) 2100 hours this year[/b]. I am working all the time. I am watching the kids all the time. I forget to shower frequently. I cry all the time -quietly, and to myself, and in short bursts, because I'm doing all I can do to hold up everyone else in my house and don't have time to feel sorry for myself.

As I write this post the baby has been crying for a half hour and won't stop and he's supposed to be napping. He's teething and has been biting my nipples and they're so sore. My husband is at a doctor's appointment. I was up until 1am working last night, woke up at 6:30 this morning, and haven't even started on the 10+ billable hours I need to put in today. I just can't do this anymore.

This isn't ending anytime soon. I have been a trooper for months and months. I know we don't have it the worst, that there are people struggling so much more than we are. But what am I missing? How do I make it to tomorrow, or through the next year of this? I can't physically keep all of this up.[/quote]

Where do you work that billing 2,100 hours is considered working all the time?[/quote]

Ok, way to NOT be supportive.  NP here, and a few things jump out here:

1. You have two children under 5 - and one that isn't verbal.  For me, as a lawyer, these were the hardest times to parent.   Cut yourself and your husband some slack and know that it will get better (really, it will - there is absolutely truth to the adage that the days are long and the years are short).  
2.  It sounds like you have no outside help either from family or from a nanny or daycare.  Figure out how you can get outside help.  It does not matter that your husband is not working right now - he should be spending his time networking and making connections to get the next job.  Just like you likely did not sign up to be a SAHM, he did not sign up to be a SAHD - respect that if you have the financial ability to do so.  If you can swing it, hire at least part-time assistance.  Kids that age appear to be susceptible to serious outcomes from the virus - and the alternative of a depressed/anxious/angry mother and fighting parents doesn't sound ideal.
3.  Get a housecleaning service - they can come 2x a month, and the family unit can leave while your house is cleaned - win/win - no cross-contamination and your house is cleaned.
4.  You sound like you are trying to do everything at 100% - you can't.  It's a myth.  Anyone that looks like they are is just a mirage.  Pick something, and let the other slide.  Because you are a lawyer and talking about 2100 hours billable, I am going to assume you are at a big firm where anything less than 100% from a female associate can seem like a death knell to advancement.   It may be.  Spend some quiet time and really think through your career path - do you want to make partner?  Do you want to go in-house? Fed?  If so, figure out what you need to do - either put in the 110% to go partner track (with no guarantee that you'll make it - especially since the worker bees aren't generally the ones that make it) or start networking to figure out how to jump off the hamster wheel or bring the rain.  In the meantime - get help on the homefront.  Your children will be fine with out-of-home care, but they won't be fine if you keep on this road of doubt, depression, anxiety, and anger.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics