Reply to Ok...let me rephrase this. How do I find the courage to leave my abusive DH?

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Reply to "Ok...let me rephrase this. How do I find the courage to leave my abusive DH?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I didn’t see your prior thread. You mention stealing and lying as a dynamic in the cycle of violence - can you say a little more about that?[/quote]

OP here. In regards to physical violence, my husband does it when I lie to him about finances and use up money from savings/move money around to use on random things. I handle all of the bills and money, so when I’m in a bind or when I want to use money, I grab it from savings or from bills that need to be paid. This leaves us with no savings and bills unpaid. He gets very angry about it and resorts to physically abusing me. I’d say it happens 3-4 times per year. I never tell him about the money issues, he just finds out from either randomly seeing the savings account or getting a letter in the mail about something not being paid. I’ll add that I’ve also gotten physical with him. When he doesn’t listen to me/dismisses me/ignores me I can get very angry and start throwing things on the floor or getting in his face. As long as we aren’t “triggered” by those very specific events (my hatred for being dismissed and his hatred for me stealing money and lying) these physical altercations don’t happen.

Separately, my husband is emotionally and verbally abusive. Says things like “are you stupid?” “You are just sensitive.” “You’re crazy.” What I feel as a need to be in control, husband says is he just wants to be respected and included in what’s going on. He just wants me to “communicate.” I sometimes feel that the dynamic of our relationship has caused him to feel negatively about me, thinking I’m stupid/worthless, thus causing his verbal responses and lack of emotional care for me. I feel he doesn’t care that I’m emotional or crying about something because he’s numb toward me. He doesn’t feel that I’ve contributed anything to our family (I make money but blow it, horrible credit, etc. He’s the one who got us our house, he’s the one that at least has some type of savings, he has good credit so can get credit cards and whatever else).

I’ll add that I don’t believe my husband WANTS me to have bad credit and no money so that I have to depend on him. He doesn’t want that responsibility. He would prefer that I get my shxt together and be a contributor to the household.

I just realized I went on a rant here, but I hope this helps you better understand. This is why I say I don’t feel like I’m a victim, maybe I did deserve some of this, etc. I’m just as f’ed up as my husband, in different ways.

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