Reply to Almost 93, frail, very poor hearing ..will not move

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If she has the money to sustain this, it’s not yours to weigh in on.[/quote]

Even so, she can't call  and arrange  for food,  house and garden maintenance,  dr appts, etc. She can't hear on the phone at all.  She can't order supplies from Amazon because she can't use a computer..and can't bring the stuff in the house.  She can't arrange for medications. She cannot clean or cook.  So, it isn't my problem? Really? [/quote]

Can she pay people to do those things? If so, then yes, it’s not yours to do.[/quote]

No, again.....  She cannot arrange to do any of those things, nor will she allow anyone outside to do it. 
What is it about this post that you do not understand?[/quote]

OP, I am sorry for the unhelpful and insensitive responses you are getting from people on this forum.

Some practical solutions might be helpful: she cannot live in an environment that is unhealthy, unsafe or unsanitary.  You can tell her that you are concerned about her and, as she took care of you, it is now your turn to take care of her.
1. You can arrange for a cleaning person to come, even 1x per month.  That should help keep things in some kind of order. If she is having difficulty doing even small things like washing a fish, consider having someone come more often.
2.  Arrange for food delivery. Prepackaged meals that can be delivered weekly. You can be there to put them away. At least you’ll know she has nutritious food on hand.
3. How is she getting the wine? If it’s being delivered, speak to the folks at the store to let them know about your mother’s condition. A frail elderly person should not be drinking alcohol, especially when she’s unsupervised. That can be the recipe for a tragedy.
4. Get her a personal alarm system.  A bracelet or a necklace type. She may resist and not use it. The deal is that she keeps it on. When push comes to shove and there is an emergency, she might change her tune.
5. Have a conversation with her doctor. ASAP.  Does she have a geriatrician? If not, get her an appointment with one.  They specialize in the treatment of the elderly and are familiar with resources for the recalcitrant old. Your mom also needs to be screened for cognitive decline. Her decision making may be impaired in which case she will need you to step in, despite her protests.

I put the last thing at the bottom because it may take the longest.  First you secure her current environment as best you can while you wait for the bigger outside supports to be put in place.

You have my sympathy. This is hard in so many ways.  I found it helpful to use the same strategies I employed with my kids when they were little and issues were non negotiable.  I know you don’t like but this has to be done approach.  Listen with sympathy but you don’t have to give up just because she is resisting.  She is likely confused and afraid.  A little reassurance might help.

Thinking of you and hope all goes smoothly [/quote]

Having been through this to some degree, I agree with some. If there is money have a cleaning person and mail delivery. I might also hire a companion who can check on her and social worker to assess level of need every month at least so you can adjust services. Let me just caution you with the personal alarm system. Our experience is they put down a list of your emergency people. If you don't complete the process fast enough those people get a call to have them remind you. If there are many emergencies they are getting many calls. To be honest if there are many emergencies it is cruel to do to a neighbor unless you have done plenty for that neighbor and they owe you big time. I personally would offer to pay a neighbor to be on the list if you knew the person was on a fixed income or say a SAHM who gave up a salary to be there for kids. Some people say "that's what neighbors do." Those are often people who don't bat an eyelash taking advantage of others. If nobody responds it can get to the point an emergency crew BREAKS DOWN THE DOOR. So now you have to secure the door quickly as you rush to attend to your parent in the hospital. You can't expect neighbors to stand guard.

I totally agree with talking to the doctor. If you do not have a release or medical POA you can simply share your concerns in a message, but they cannot tell you anything.[/quote]

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