Reply to Flame Me: I don't think affairs are generally a big deal

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Reply to "Flame Me: I don't think affairs are generally a big deal"

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[quote=Anonymous]I have never been a 'compartmentalizer'.   I have worked at accepting the tensions of competing and conflicting ideas and values and have sought integration in all aspects of my life both personally and professionally.  [b]I value trust, loyalty, commitment, friendship and honesty[/b] and I have lived my life by these values.  I have never compromised where these values are concerned.  Now, I have the difficult task of integrating what my spouse did with what I thought happened and all of these values have been trodden on.

If you were raised in a household where lies were okay, where adults cheated, where parents turned a blind-eye, it might not be a big deal like it is for some that were taught that morality means telling the truth and not lying and mistreating those that love you.  It is unclear how somebody could look into the face of someone they loved, outright lie and walk out the door to go have unprotected sex with someone outside of the marriage.  All the while, never voicing any problem or concern with the marriage.  In fact, just the opposite.  Praising, loving, having sex with them. The duplicity and maladaptive behavior required to make this happen is something I could not get over...and neither could the cheater without SERIOUS, serious individual therapy.  Rug sweeping and forgiving will not stop the person from doing it again, OP.[/quote]

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