Reply to Husband is silent when I most desperately need reassurance and acknowledgment

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[quote=Anonymous]You are at your breaking point - overwhelmed, drowning, in significant pain, anticipating the exponentially increased strain and impossibility , etc...

He is probably feeling overwhelmed, incapable, lost, unsure, inept, unable to make things right, paralyzed with all of the previous emotions, etc...

See if you have an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) included in your health insurance benefits OP. Call them. Use them to vent and also to help problem solve. There are solutions for childcare/medical support etc...  THere are counselors who can help with marital communication issues. There are ways to tease apart the multiple challenges and address at least some of them. And there are ways to find your way back to each other as allies and a team.

I work on a lot of similar stuff in my work with a therapist. I can't change my husband (who reacts in many ways like what you're describing) but I can change my expectations, the way I communicate what I ask for, and I can VASTLY improve my own awareness of what I need and what makes me panic. The more of all of that I do, the more able my husband is to respond more helpfully.

Also, something my therapist said to me a month or two ago has really stuck with me. I was venting, kind of along the lines of what you've written here, and the therapist said to me "Imagine what your husband must not have been given as a child to be so incapable of giving you X. Maybe he can't give it to you because he never received it or saw anyone provide it."

Hang in there OP.  These are extraordinarily challenging times but you will find your way.[/quote]

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