Reply to Changing the name of an internationally adoped child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think the dad provided some easy answers for you so you stopped being so nosy.

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Easy - yes.  Well-[b]thought out -- definitely not[/b].  I can tell you that we have gotten questions from our son, adopted as an infant, about why we changed his name.  He even once asked, "didn't you like it?"  We kept it as a middle name.

This family should not have been approved to adopt internationally, IMO.  They don't show any signs of having thought about the issues associated with adopting internationally, especially adopting an older, institutionalized child.  I wish them luck - I think they're going to be in for a lot of problems.[/quote]

He just became a new dad to a child who is older and transitioning to a whole new world essentially ... he doesn't owe anyone a "well thought out" reply.

As far as the name, for all we know or the OP knows, "Oksana" may very well be a default orphanage name that is given to girls and her parents wanted to give her a name - perhaps even one the girl selected herself.

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Again, as an adoptive parent who follows these issues in part through contact with adult international adoptees, I have heard that it doesn't matter who gave her the name.  The issue is that this is the name she carried for her whole life (or at least most of it).  There are real losses and messages associated with changing it.  Right now, she may be eager to please her new family, but adoption, while not traumatic by any means, is something that is part of an adoptee's life forever.  There is not one way adoptees react to these issues and the issues are there.[/quote]

I too am an adoptive parent and you are missing the point.  Children very well may want to shed a generic orphanage name that was nothing more than a means of identification and perhaps for them identification of a not quite so great past. Not every name is well thought and planned. you can't appreciate this because you received your name from parents who loved and cared about you. When you receive your name from an institution it doesn't quite hold the same meaning.

Adoption is always a loss but it's in degrees and variations for every child so you can't make a blanket statment that says every adopted child will mourn the loss of their first name no more than you can make a blanket statement that all adoptive children will search for their birthparents.  In adoption, there are no absolutes.[/quote]

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