Reply to I just learned about tribe gaslighting and more people should know about it!

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Reply to "I just learned about tribe gaslighting and more people should know about it!"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m not sure I understand. If they haven’t observed this, why is their saying “that’s not something I’ve experienced” gaslighting? I mean—if I know someone who’s always funny and kind, and someone tells me they are rude and rage-filled, I’m not lying if I say “he’s not that way with me.” Or if I don’t think certain comments are a big deal—it’s a subjective statement that I don’t think they are a big deal. You do, so that’s an issue, but it’s not wrong if I say I don’t think they are.

You don’t need validation from coworkers if you don’t like what someone is saying. HR or the general counsel should/would take it seriously. [/quote]

I suppose it depends on the situation. Like a really clearcut example would be if a coworker said "Larlo grabbed me and tried to kiss me in the office yesterday." In that instance, even if you had never experienced that same thing, saying "that's not something I've experienced" communicates to your coworker that you don't believe her. You might argue that you just meant it literally -- you have not had that experience with Larlo. But she wasn't asking if you have had the same experience. She is telling you about being assaulted. In that case, it's definitely gaslighting to invalidate her experience, and you are making it less likely that she will try to tell someone else. People often try to confide in a friend or colleague before escalating to an authority figure.

In the case of harassing comments, it really could be a difference of opinion. Some people are more sensitive to some comments than others. Though what the OP describes is a pattern of inappropriate behavior, and that does sound like it rises to the level of harassing behavior. In that case, I do think it was gaslighting for colleagues to just tell her they hadn't experienced it or that it wasn't a big deal. If it was happening over and over, the fact that OP didn't like it and was upset about it indicates that it was no longer a matter of personal opinion -- a supervisor should not be making personal comments about a subordinate in that way, especially not over an extended period of time.

Unfortunately, many workplaces do not have particularly helpful HR services, and many don't have a GC at all. Even those that do can have cultural problems like this, and HR or the GC will simply reinforce the idea that . I do think there is some responsibility on colleagues to be willing to stand up for one another in these situations. Bullies and harassers only benefit if people take a passive approach to these issues.[/quote]

In all of your example, telling your co-worker is not appropriate step. Why should co-worker validate one side of the story without listening to another side? What authority that co-worker have to question another party? If anything like you described happened,  you should report it to HR or police, not your co-workers, and then accuse them of gaslighting. [/quote]

Yes, HR and the police, both of which are known to be very competent at resolving workplace harassment issues.  :roll: [/quote]

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