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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, my mother would give the exact same response. I agree it is the abuser way. My mother was complex and had good qualities too. Plus, I was not sexually abused by anyone, just verbal and emotional.

I have learned to accept my mother is extremely limited and will never accept responsibility for any pain she causes. I chose to have a relationship with many boundaries. It's exhausting, but she in incapable of being the mother I wish i could have and she too was raised by someone abusive and limited so she knows no other way. She also lacks self-awareness and insight.[/quote]

Do you see her often?[/quote]

Not as often as she wants. FWIW, she is kind to my kids. She was not wired well for parenting. She did not get along well with my father and she had major anxiety and never got help because she looks down at people with mental health issues. You hate in others what you hate in yourself sometimes. Her mother was the exact same way and she figures she and her sister turned out well, married men with the right jobs and raised accomplished kids.

I think it's fine you wrote the letter. Her response showed you how limited she is. My mother responds horridly to confrontation too, but it was confirmation that she is incapable of getting how destructive she was.[/quote]

Thank you[/quote]

You are welcome. I read your other posts and I agree. You need a break from them. I took some breaks from my mother. My sister is a narcissist who is pretty horrible to anyone she gets close to, but does well with people who look up to her for her accomplishments and fancy degrees. She does all sorts of controlling and manipulative things so I just take extensive breaks from her.

You have to learn to let go of it all. Some people will judge you for not having a close knit family. Your own family members will gossip and judge because you stop contact for a while. Imagine all the things anyone can call you: Selfish, bitch, garbage, entitled, monster and so forth. Is that you? Of course not. Remember they are words and throw it out the window. You can't control what they think. Religion teaches us not to judge yet some of the most religious people I know do just that. It is their problem not yours. There is freedom in having a sense of humor about what a horrible person you supposedly are. I have done many things for others and used to do a lot of volunteer work before I had kids and when my work schedule was lighter. I don't tell them that because I don't need to prove myself.

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