Reply to Why do men assume their wife will become a SAHM?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Its a US thing.

My SILs in my home country have careers that is pretty much wholeheartedly supported by the husbands and families because it generates income. In addition to all of that there is a huge amount of benefits like maternity and paternity leave etc given to women.  Women are supported at home and can easily outsource a lot of housekeeping, and childcare is never an issue because of abundance of options.

US is a shithole backward country as far as women's rights are concerned.  
[/quote]

Though I don't think men's expectations are necessarily better in other countries. Misogyny is everywhere and many of the men I know in France have equally unrealistic expectations for their wives in terms of motherhood. But because of government subsidized maternity leave, subsidized childcare, and the payments to families with children, women have far more leverage to make their lives more livable than in the US. If you want to be a working mother in France, the entire system is set up to support that choice, so even if your husband has some fantasy of having a SAHM, you can still make your own choice even if it it's not exactly what he wanted/expected. I actually think socially there is a lot of pressure on women in France to return to work relatively quickly because there is so much support. It might be different outside of Paris, but in Paris women who don't work at all are viewed kind of negatively. If you don't have very young children, the expectation is that you will have some kind of job.

In the US, the problem is that the system screws over all women no matter what. Women who stay at home, even just for short periods of time with young children, are treated as though they have no value beyond their families. There is no government subsidy for these women or their families unless you are very poor, and then of course poor women with children are treated very badly. But then women who work are expected to figure out childcare entirely on their own. And it doesn't get much easier once children are in school, because school schedules are designed with the assumption that families have one parent at home with the kids during summer and winter break and after school.

Also workers in the US have so few rights. Workers get so few paid holidays or sick leave (and then healthcare itself is so expensive and tied to your work usually making it even harder for women to take time off for pregnancy or other childbirth-related issues). Plus if you healthcare is through your husband's job instead of through the government, that is just another way that you are reliant on your husband as a stay at home mother, which further devalues your role.

The idea that women in the US are not in open revolt in order to get some of the basic family and worker protections that are commonplace in other countries is beyond me. Do they just not know? Many European countries are having arguments right now about government benefits and subsidies, but those arguments mostly focus on pensions and unemployment benefits, especially for immigrants since there is so much xenophobia in Europe. And there are conversations on the margins of healthcare and family benefits (how much, how administered, etc.). But even the really far-right parties in Europe accept that a civilized society will provide some baseline support for workers and families. The US is a bizarre anomaly and I don't think many people here realize to what degree.[/quote]

I wish I could hug you.[/quote]

Me,too.  [/quote]

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