Reply to Tips to deal with slightly eccentric husband

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Tips to deal with slightly eccentric husband"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He probably has ADHD, which impacts his ability to plan ahead and organize the life of a household. Such mental disorders affect each person differently but I sense an executive function deficit and subsequent denial as a result. It’s sometimes easier to deny the need to do something instead of realizing one has a permanent condition and seek pharmacological treatment and behavioral change.

My husband and son have diagnosed ADHD and perhaps some Asperger’s tendencies and I’ve done a lot of research on it. While my husband seemed successful and functional as a bachelor, he cannot manage a household. He’s a doctor and wants to cook from scratch, plan ahead, limit waste, etc, but I end up scheduling and organizing because otherwise we run out of things and miss deadlines: he’s nearly always late to file taxes and pay bills, for example. He’s late to drop off or pick up his kids, and never remembers to schedule medical appointments. When he’s faced with something he really cannot do because of his ADHD, he will flat-out deny the need to do it, because psychologically he cannot face his inability, and it’s easier for him to be angry and blame others, than it is to accept his limitations and their consequences.

Medication works well for certain patients. If you suspect your husband had ADHD, you can suggest he see a psychiatrist to discuss the matter. 
[/quote]

I promise he does not have ADHD nor autism spectrum. He plans ahead for work conferences and other long term responsibilities all the time. He just doesn’t LIKE having home responsibilities and commitments that lock him in if it doesn’t have to do with work. 
[/quote]

How can you promise this. Did he have a neuropsych? Do you do neuropsych’s?[/quote]

OP, you need to open your mind a little bit and learn more about ADHD and autism.  You seem very convinced that he doesn't have it, but what you are saying indicates that you don't really understand autism.

The ability to hyperfocus on some things, and have nothing left for other things that aren't as interesting to the person, is a very common indicator.  It doesn't mean he can't plan or focus at all.  It means he doesn't have enough executive functioning ability to handle stuff for both work and home.  Sometimes people do better with work because it's a narrower slice of life, and they may have support staff to help them with the details.  He is avoiding home responsibility BECAUSE he can't handle it.  He needs 100% flexibility and 100% attention on work to manage his work stuff BECAUSE it's such a struggle for him to manage it.

Also, his rigidity and unwillingness to consider your perspective and social norms more generally is also a hallmark of autism.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics