Reply to If you were a stepparent who divorced, did you feel used by your spouse and stepkid(s)?

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Reply to "If you were a stepparent who divorced, did you feel used by your spouse and stepkid(s)?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I assume that OP's friend does not have kids.  Depending on how they set up their finances I do not think she would have to financially contribute in a material way.  For example, they could contribute pro rata by income to a joint account from which joint expenses are paid (i.e. food, mortgage, utilities, whatever else).  They could maintain separate accounts for their personal expenses (i.e. college funds for kids, clothes or early retirement account for OP's friend).  There will be some overlap here because obviously the kids eat food and increase utility costs but most of the expenses for the children would come from the parent.

I really doubt children would even notice this type of setup unless OP's friend makes a boatload of money and lives like a rockstar and the husband does not make much money.

I can see this being a much more difficult situation if OP's friend has more kids with the guy or if OP's friend had existing children.
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What if the stepkid's bio mom couldn't pay for things or wants more child support? What is the stepmom gonna do? I would suggest separate accounts and never conmingling their finances. Depending on how often the teens are with them, OP's friend can negotiate to pay a lower percentage of the utilities, groceries, etc. Don't contribute to mortgage unless he puts her name on the deed. Women need to be smart and know how to not get manipulated by men and kids who play the "we didn't choose you as our stepmom" card. [/quote]

Until kids are adults as a stepparent you want to keep finances separate.  Otherwise a court could look at a checking or savings account as part of the child support calculation.  My husband's ex filed on him claiming his household income is higher after we got married and child support should be based off of household income and not just his.  I was surprised the court even allowed it to be heard.  However, the judge said no to her request and it was recalculated taking her off of alimony and two out of three kids off child support so she did a serious screw up.  They also did use my income in the child support calculation as he paid higher taxes because of my income and so his child support was calculated with that in mind.  But, she demanded to see all my financial information.  It was funny as she left my husband to be with her AP turned live in boyfriend but refused to produce his income and what he paid in terms of expenses as if mine was used, so should his.

I wouldn't tell a woman to run because of child support.  Eventually it is over.  We counted the days after she took us to court and it was so nice to be done with it and not have to have her screaming calls about it being late as she demanded it go through the child support office/garnishment after the hearing and didn't realize it could take up to two weeks to get her check each month vs. husband sending it a few days early before the 1st of the month.

I have no regrets marrying.  I am grateful the kids are adults and we don't have to deal with her nastiness or drama anymore.[/quote]

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