Reply to Why do some women enable their husbands being terrible fathers?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t often leave my husband with responsibility for our daughter because he has autism (diagnosed after we had our baby) and horrible executive functioning skills. His inability to perceive others’ needs and poor planning, both through time and space, means that he does things like crash cars into static objects, “forgets” that toddlers need meals, leaves exterior doors wide open, etc. He probably has a lot in common with PP’s drowning incident dad, so I’m really careful with the decisions I make around the care of our daughter. It sucks and does socially isolate me sometimes, but we’re already socially isolated because my DH is rude and indifferent in social situations, so it doesn’t matter. And to answer everyone’s question, of course he wasn’t like this when he met. Some adults with autism have really good social masking skills that they can deploy in situations like dating, work, etc.[/quote]

He completely changed to these traits after you met him? Really?[/quote]

This starts to explain it:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5509825/

I’m not the PP, but had a similar experience. DH and I met in medical school, which was highly regimented, both in terms of daily schedule and social life. It took many years until we had more career freedom and time that DH’s rigidity came out. We had so many semi-mandatory social events for so long that it was pretty shocking to realize that he actually hated socializing. And once he felt “safe” and comfortable in our relationship, DH dropped some of the things he’d been doing that I thought were genuine signs of love and reciprocity but to him was more acting out how he thought married people should act. When he felt safe, he became a more authentic version of himself but someone who is not very empathetic and is honestly pretty selfish and uncommunicative.

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