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Reply to "If you don’t have that best friend mother-daughter relationship, how come?"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom was very controlling when I was growing up. She never learned to let go and stop parenting. As an adult I always felt smothered and not heard. She also used me as her therapist and it's all sorts of boundary-crossing dysfunction. We loved each fiercely, but we never had a normal, healthy adult relationship. [/quote] Similar. My mom still second guesses everything I say or do. “Are you sure...?” “You don’t really want...?” At the same time I had to grow up quickly because she is unreliable. She hasn’t been there for me when I’ve needed her because she is too caught up in herself. My brother is much younger and I was relied upon to do a lot of mothering. When I was growing up she screamed and yelled and threw furniture. She can’t keep secrets. We get along and actually spend quite a bit of time together but I will never trust her or rely on her. It really really hurt me when she was too busy to do wedding planning stuff with me. She was too busy with her friends to spend time with me when I was getting ready on my wedding day. She spent so many years wanting to marry me off and there I was, alone in her bedroom getting my hair done. I cried. That was when I realized that she will never be the mother I wanted but she’s the mother I got and she’s too old to change. Accepting that has helped our relationship. [/quote]
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