Reply to Family thinks getting remarried will screw up my kid

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[quote=Anonymous]My parents had divorced and both had relationships /marriage when I was 13.  I liked my dad's wife but couldn't stand my mother's boyfriend. (I lived with mom.)

At no point did either of my parents ask for my approval or blessing on their partner choices.

It didn't damage me for the rest of my life.  On the contrary, I think I learned things about myself and how to be resilient as a teen, even if life throws things at you that you may not like.

I'm now on the other side and have been in a 10+ relationship with a guy who had a teen daughter when we met.  We did all the "right" things like waiting to introduce her to me, did it slowly, I never tried to be mom-like, etc.  Her mother had coupled well before I came in the picture, and had moved her BF into the home before divorce was even final.

Based on my experience, I think it is absolutely foolish for people to remarry once they have children.  Just live together.  There is no way you can predict the future, neither you nor your BF.

If your child has problems down the road, do you really want to be in a position where you might have to choose between them and your spouse?  Because that might happen.  Plus, you are opening yourself up financially for any kinds of liability related to either of your children which may arise in the future.   And this can go well into and beyond adulthood.

His kids wind up being busted for some crime, and DH wants to buy the best attorney he can out of your JOINT funds.  Your kid winds up a parent at a very young age and needs to move back home with baby - is he willing to support both, possibly long term?  Another kid wants to go to a very expensive college which may drain resources so younger kids may not have that opportunity.  In any of these situations, what would you do if your spouse said, "Hell no!"  Then what?

If you aren't married, at least you have no financial responsibility and can extricate yourself to focus on your respective children.

Do. Not. Marry.   Do. Not. Mingle. Finances.

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