Reply to Relationship at an impasse - who moves in with whom?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It sounds like you haven't really talked to him about it, but if you're going to get married one day, this is something you need to just talk about.

So no pressure be like, 'Hey I've been thinking about our future and I just wanted to talk about it. Do you think this is moving towards something serious and we might want to move in together sometime in the next couple of years? If so, I just want to make sure we're on the same page. I think I'm past living with a bunch of roommates. No pressure, we don't need to make decisions tomorrow, but I just want you to know how I feel about it so we can decide if we're compatible in this way. I'm not saying I'd expect you to move or anything, but I feel like our lifestyles are so different right now and have been wondering how we would combine them in a way where we'd both be happy, what do you think?"

People dance around conversations and then no one ever expresses themselves properly. You don't have to be aggressive or demanding or mean about it, but have a conversation. You'll feel better afterward for at least knowing where you stand. If he's someone you're going to be with forever, this should be one of the easier conversations/compromises you negotiate. [/quote]

To me, this sounds so offensive with respect to his lifestyle choices...he is a co-owner[/quote]

Really? If she would be unhappy in an environment like this and he wants to proceed in the relationship than he should know now so he can think about what that means and what compromise would help them both get what they need.

I, like OP, would never move in with a permanent expectation of living in a group home. Maybe there is a decent transition or whatever, but I wouldn't be raising my kids with other family's in the house. And OP it sounds like really needs personal space. She should be able to communicate that to someone she wants to cohabitate with. Communicating isn't demanding, its being clear about your needs and wants up front so you can work together so both people are happy.

And honestly if her boyfriend reacts like you did, thinking its entirely impossible for him to ever break free from this arrangement then its better OP knows now so she can move on because that won't work for her.

I don't understand these games people play, if people were clear about their expectations in relationships up front and did the work to make sure they communicate well all the time, then resentment doesn't build up. [/quote]

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