Reply to Would you tell your IVF conceived child that the other embryos were discarded?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We have three embryos on ice that I know we are going to have to discard. We have three kids already and are just done with procreation.  But you know, even with every rational thought on the side of discarding, and even with being 100% prochoice, atheist and whatnot, it's still not an easy decision. not at all.  It's pretty damn hard to deny their humanity after you already know that in our case, they are genetically normal, two girls and one boy, and their sibling who got picked out has just gone to bed.

Of course if my child ever asked, I'd tell him they were discarded and to be damn happy he was the one who got picked, because it could have just as easily been the one on the left or the one on the right.

[b]I'm going to discard.  What I'm saying is that it's not an easy thing and it's not a "no big deal[/b]."[/quote]

Thank you for saying this. I’m in the same situation and I can’t help but think that it’s simply luck of the draw that we have the two kids we have now. I am also 100% pro-choice, but I have to say it does bother me looking at my kids and knowing they could just have easily have been discarded as well. [/quote]

For me, these points are what proved difficult. I'm pro-choice, and I have zero judgment for what people do or don't do with their embryos. I also agree with PP's that IVF makes painfully clear how inefficient human reproduction is, and also makes clear that embryos simply are not children; at best (AT BEST) they are potential children. Most are potential failed transfers, honestly.

Nonetheless, once I had embryos take and become children, I viewed the leftover embryo (we only have one left) in a totally different light. We had tried to PGS test that embryo, but the lab screwed up the sample and we got no results. So we don't know if that one remaining embryo even has a snowball's chance in hell of making it, but we didn't know if DC1 had a chance either, and here he is, and he's the light of our lives. For us personally, it has been a struggle to figure out what we want to do with that last embryo. Others may not feel the same way. (Especially in a world of PGS, whether an embryo is a potential child or not is a lot more clear earlier on, which might make it easier or harder, depending on how many normal embryos you get).

As for telling your kid, why don't you just try age-appropriate honesty? "Here's how IVF works. Here's why many couples need it. Here's why it's such a great thing, but there are many things that make it hard, and you've asked about one of the things that was hard for us. Here's how we thought about it. If you're ever faced with going through IVF, you might face a similar question. How would you think about it?"  Why is this fundamentally different than any other difficult issue you should help your child think through, at an age-appropriate time? [/quote]

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