Reply to Why are people attracted to mean/toxic people, especially if they have a lot of options?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A friend is married to a woman who appears (from my vantage point) to be toxic.  She's very controlling, is often bubbling over with anger, spends a lot of time verbally tearing others down, etc.  He has said he's not happy and he knows she is not a happy person.  I never understood why he stayed.  In conversation it came out that he is the adult child of a very abusive alcoholic.  A (very sad) light bulb went off.  His understanding of love and relationships was colored by what he saw growing up.  In short, he doesn't know anything different.  [/quote]

DH and I have a friend like this. He had a tough childhood and in his 30s married a younger woman who he saw as an amazing catch. Smart, looked like a model, got everything she wanted. More than two decades later, she’s now very controlling. She likes to put on affectionate showstopper  in front of everyone, holding his hand and calling him pet names but we’ve caught her shooting mean zingers at him about how she could have married rich. On Facebook they make it look like they’re the healthiest couple on earth with photos from a day in the life of their amazing marriage. I think he felt lucky that she gave him the time of day. But in reality, she’s lucky someone as nice as him gave her the time of day. [/quote]

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