Reply to Why Is My 16 Year Old Son A Raging Asshat?

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[quote=Anonymous]Could it be a sibling rivalry issue of some sort?  In my family, my oldest sister got great grades and was incredibly well-behaved as a child.  My brother who was #2 rebelled terribly as a teenager because he wanted attention and he wasn't getting it for his great grades, etc.  He was one of those kids who probably appeared to not care but it was just a coping mechanism for getting by and feeling like he was getting attention.  Perhaps thinking about how you treat each of your children individually might help in seeing how he is "perceiving" being treated, if that makes sense.

I know you mentioned an issue with one teacher, maybe you could talk to some other teachers to get their take on him.  Teachers often have an interesting insight into the social dynamics of a child that sometime the parents don't even see.  Maybe see if he behaves appropriately with the other teachers and see if they have any ideas as to why (discipline style, personality, other kids in the class, etc.).  I am a teacher and had a parent come tell me how rude and obnoxious her teenage son had become and how sorry she was for this but he was a perfect angel in my class - really one of the best kids.  Working through it together and brainstorming, we ended up figuring out what was going on with him.

Also, there is a book called "The Motivation Breakthrough" (I think it is by Richard Lavoie) that gives teachers and parents tips for motivating kids by helping to identify what type of motivation really works for them.  Part of the thesis of the book is that nobody is truly "unmotivated" but rather motivated in the wrong way or in a way we don't like.  As a teacher, I have had success when viewing behavior through this prism to see what might be motivating a kid to act that way, etc.

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