Reply to If you are single, never married.. do you feel it was by choice or circumstance?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "If you are single, never married.. do you feel it was by choice or circumstance?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]Female
46 
By choice

My very ethical, down-to-earth parents had a hot mess of a divorce when I was 13. My Dad remarried fast to a lady who was a complete nutter, my mom remarried 5 years later to a great guy. Dad remarried a 3rd time and got it right. Everyone's happy. But the emotional wreckage I watched was enough for me to say "no thanks". I finished grad school, worked for 4 years, made some money, and had a baby on my own. It wasn't easy, but I can confidently say my life has been no harder (and in some ways easier) than my married friends. Poster upthread who said this about married women nailed it:

[quote]Most of them have two kids, and a husband who doesn't do the heavy lifting with the kids, but who still has opinions. The women take career hits, while still working full time and juggling four people's schedules. [/quote]

This all day. I don't know if it's the traditional age at which marriage happens that allows this toxic dynamic to take hold, but it's striking. As a single professional mom, I have more free time than many of my married friends.

Interestingly enough, last year I met a great guy, and we'll probably get married. The idea seems very different to me now. We both have children (he's been divorced for years) and our own assets, we're both independent. He keeps a clean house, does his own laundry, is a great cook. So am I. Neither of us is looking for a caretaker, but we're both looking for a lifetime connection. Some people would say "then why marry?". Honest answer, I'm ready, and we both want to. But I needed to feel the safety of building my career and being a mom first. Neither of those two things can be taken away from me, no matter what happens. So the idea of entering into a life partnership (yes, even with the financial ramifications) feels safer to me now. My retirement account is set, DD's 529 is set, no one's going to yank the rug out. And if they do? Well, we'll be fine.

I think the best thing I ever did was reject the trap of "having" to marry at a certain age (and I could've done this easily), as well as the "well now it'll never happen" doomsday outlook as I got older. It takes a lot of faith in yourself as a woman; society is decidedly not ok with us making up on own minds on this issue. But that's my plan to tell DD: you get to decide. And either way, it can work out.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics