Reply to Trying to convince husband to have a third baby

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I convinced my DH to have a third. At first he was neutral about having 2 or 3; then when he realized I was trying to convince him he became adamantly opposed to a third. When he finally saw that I would absolutely respect his wishes to stick with two, but that I would feel a sense of loss because I’d always envisioned three, he became open to it. Once we started trying he was TOTALLY on board and super excited.

Money was not an issue for us, so that was less of a factor, and we have a somewhat larger gap between kids (a little over 3 years) so we had a good chunk of time out of the baby phase before diving into it again.[/quote]

OP here. Thanks so much. This was helpful advice. Money is not an issue as well. Did you just say, "Okay I am fine with two, but let him know that you will feel a sense of loss without three?"[/quote]

Yes, basically. I mean, I told him I thought we were really a happy family, and we would still be a happy family with just 2 kids, but that it’s something I would think about my entire life. I think that part surprised him; that even in our 60s and 70s I’d be left wondering what life with 3 would have been like. I also presented all the reasons (more rational than emotional) I thought 3 was better for us than 2. I wasn’t ready to be done with the toddler phase (and our youngest was 2). I said (and this part got to him) with three there’s less pressure on any one kid when they are adults, and greater guarantee that we’d have adult children and grandchildren living near us. We both would like grandchildren but are pretty opposed to pressuring our kids in any way to have kids of their own. With 3 adult children if one (or two) spend the holidays elsewhere you still might have one come visit you.

I also listened to and addressed his concerns, which in our case were that he wouldn’t have enough time or energy to devote to a third, and that our relationship would suffer. We came up with a plan to address both those fears.

We had conversations over the course of 6 months about this however, it wasn’t just own night. And it felt like a decision we came to together even though I started out wanting a third and he didn’t. [/quote]

Thank you so much. This is the most helpful advice I have heard so far. I agree for the same reasons. What's the age gap between your children?[/quote]

Also, can you share his concerns and your reasonings for a third? You articulated it so well from above. [/quote]

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