Reply to Why don't people reciprocate socially these days?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH says that I'm "too drama-free."  His theory is that people like people with drama, and those with too little drama come off as inauthentic somehow.  I thought that was an interesting perspective.  It made me think of an acquaintance I used to be friendly with who was so full of drama all the time that it got really tiring, but the ironic thing was that she has tons of friends and is always out with people.[/quote]

I think your DH is on to something! I was good friends with someone who could only be described as a drama queen. She had tons of friends, lots of plans, etc. And she was usually fun to be around, at least as long as she was the one calling the shots. A core group of husbands and wives became close friends, this former friend and her husband included. It became apparent over a couple of years that, while the drama usually made for good entertainment, it really sucked when she roped you into it. She always felt the need to let us know she was queen bee by inserting herself into our lives, then making sure she was the first to spread any kind news, thereby making it possible to ever make an announcement if you mentioned it to her before the group at large; she always had to be the center of attention, regardless of what was going on, good or bad, in the lives of her friends that might trump her drama in any way; she constantly belittled each friend behind their back to the others in the group, but treated them like her BFF to their face; etc. I finally had it out with her on a trip we took together with another couple, where she tried to use her current drama as the reason for getting the best room in the place we had rented versus deciding this using a method that allowed all three couples an equal opportunity. I had had enough! Our friendship was on an incredibly rocky road for a little over a year after that. We tried reconciling, but when I told her I needed less drama, she told me I had to accept her as is since she wasn't planning to change. I "broke it off", if you will, and am very happy I did. While I don't have quite the social life I used to, I'm happy to be free of the drama. The other friends from our crowd? After some tension between the rest of them over her drama du jour, too, they've all remainded good friends. I've let the rest of those friendships fade over the years since they all still indulge in the drama (we know this because some of it gets repeated to us from time to time).

So be careful what you wish for, and definitely don't become a drama queen in order to make a few friends. Those of us who want good, solid friendships that are on equal footing aren't going to want a friend like that. Give it some time, cultivate your friendships (instead of diving right in) and see where it takes you. It's tough to make friends in this fast-paced area where people you know aren't all living close to you, but it [i]is[/i] possible. I wouldn't trade the 3-4 very close friendships I've developed for an entire army of good-time drama queens like my former friend! Some of this may come with age. As a woman nearing 40, the quality of my friendships means vastly more to me these days than does the quantity. I couldn't have said the same thing 10 years ago.[/quote]

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