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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP.

[quote]Yikes.  I was on your side (I curse like a sailor) until I got to the bolded.  You tell your wife to f*** off once a MONTH and think that's "very rarely"??

This is not a healthy relationship.  You aren't cursing in general, you're cursing at her.  Routinely.  Stop that.[/quote]

[b]Fair enough. I will do my absolute best to never say it. Was already doing my best, will try even harder. Problem solved, let's move on to the question that I actually asked. [/b]

The problem is that ANY time i say FK during an argument - that's it, argument is over, she won, that was "verbal abuse". I don't think that's a correct interpretation of what "verbal abuse" is. If you heard somewhere that "she was a victim of constant verbal abuse", would your first thought be "wow, he must have used a word FK during arguments"? I find that hard to believe.

[/quote]

I'll tell you the truth.  Hearing the F word is not abuse.  Telling your husband for 20 years that you feel like it's abusive when he curses at you, having him not stop cursing at you, and then going to a board of strangers to demand we tell you your wife is crazy, that feels pretty abusive.  And the fact that when you don't get the response you're looking for you get snippy, defensive, and condescending just adds to the picture.  You're trying to win on points instead of hearing her and trying to improve your marriage.  What we think is not what matters here.  You should care about your wife, and the general picture you're giving is of a man who doesn't.

I had a very physically abusive father.  Once when we were arguing my then-boyfriend clenched his fists and it scared the crap out of me.  Does that mean it's physical abuse to clench your fists in an argument?  Of course not.  But he saw how scared I got and we had a conversation about it and he has never done that or anything else physically threatening in an argument since.  That was 8 years ago, he's now my husband.

This is something that's upsetting to your wife.  Why don't you care?[/quote]

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