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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Spouse and I were in a relationship for many years before getting married. Second marriage for both of us, we both have kids from previous relationships.  kids are now late teens and early 20s. We both still own our homes and remain responsible for maintaining our individual homes. 
He has said he will not sell his house and that his kids will remain there (part time of course because they are in college and also live with their mother part of the time). He does not want me to move into his house. He wants us  to maintain the 2 homes for an indefinite period of time. He feels this makes financial sense. I disagree and feel that being locked into a financial plan that doesn’t allow for marriage/living together is wrong. 
I understand this type of arrangement works for some people. But it doesn’t work for me.  He gets angry when I approach the topic of us being in a house together. In other words the arrangement works for him so therefore it should work for me. His reaction makes me so confused and upset - I don’t really want to be married to someone that doesn’t want to live with me.  I don’t really “feel” married to be honest. Seeking advice from strangers on the internet. [/quote]

OP, I'm very sorry you're dealing with this.  You have my sympathies.

With that said, here's the situation as I see it.  He does not want to be married to you in a traditional sense - i.e. living together, having one joint household, making decisions together, going shopping together, making an xmas list together, your typical conventional marriage. I am not sure why you guys got married but that's not important anymore.  He does not want to merge his life with yours.  He wants to enjoy your companionship on a part-time basis in a compartment of his life that is not connected with others.  His kids are in college but he doesn't want to sell the house because he wants it to remain a "family nest" for the kids.

This is all perfectly reasonable for an aging man with college-age children.  But it does not jibe with your desire for a conventional marriage.  If that's what you want, leave.  I don't personally understand why you want to legally bound to a guy who is essentially your boyfriend.  You're not getting any marriage benefits out of this so why take on his debt, his next of kin workload, the duty to monogamy?  Just enjoy his company for what it's worth and enjoy other men too.  You've had your children, there is no urge for you to marry anymore, so just enjoy life.  Every man has something that the other doesn't so get'em by the dozen.[/quote]

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