Reply to Need ideas on how to quickly change the subject from adoption

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote][b]it is rather odd that a trans racial adoptive family would be shocked and freaked out by a question like "did you adopt?" or "where is your daughter from?"[/b]  Sure, there are moments that you just dont' want to talk about it but the OP really seemed to have deeper issues.[/quote]

It is not so "odd". I know I [i]misunderestimated[/i] the number of intrusive rude people walking around. It can be overwhelming, many APs who have bio children after adopting interracial say they suddenly feel "invisible" when they are out alone with just their bio child. Invisible because they had gotten used to constant glare of attention when out with the adopted child. Now if an adult can feel that intense scrutiny imagine a child. I think it is better to shield or deflect alot of that unwanted attention away from your child... but if you want to burden them using their lives to teach strangers about adoption...well, it is a free world (at least for the moment ;-) [/quote]

I feel sorry for this poster and the OP for that matter.  We are a same-sex couple with a transracially adopted child in Arlington and we rarely get questions, let alone "intense scrutiny" or "constant glare of attention." There are lots of adoptive families in Arlington, many of them transracial.  Adoption here is just another way that people form families.

I don't know the posters who feel overwhelmed but a lot of it really may be their own attitude and insecurity.  I don't know where these people live but in many years as an adoptive parent (and a same sex couple family on top of it), it's been very rare for us to get intrusive questions.  Curiosity, yes.  Basic questions, yes.  Rude questions (why didn't you adopt X way?, why didn't DC's birthfamily want her? etc etc) extremely rarely.  We certainly don't feel everyone staring at us.  Seriously, unless these posters are the only adoptive family for miles around and unless their child is the only person of color for miles around (hope that's not the case for the child's sake...and it's hard to imagine either scenario being true if they live in the DC area), I'd suggest that people who adopt transracially and then complain about the intrusiveness either 1) have a lot of unresolved adoption/fertility issues; and/or 2) really did not think about what it means to become a transracial family -- for the sake of their children, I hope they start doing some soul-searching.[/quote]

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