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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks, Guatemalan mom!  Can I get your thoughts on our situation (since this is an anonymous forum)?  When I was adopted, it was usually due to poverty reasons as well.  These days, most Korean babies are adopted b/c their birth parents are young and unmarried, which is very stigmatized in Korea. However, this was not the reason our daughter was placed for adoption- hers was more of a so-called "scandalous" situation- think along the lines of rape, incest, or an affair.

How do you suggest answering the what happened to her real parents question in our case?  [/quote]

Guatemala here.  A few thoughts:  1) that type of information truly is private information and I'd stick to the general "most babies are placed for adoption these days in Korea because the parents are young and unmarried.  You are under no obligation to share that type of info with others. That is the kind of information that is no one's business.  2) How confident are you that the paperwork is accurate?  As your daughter gets older and wants to know more about her adoption, this is something you'll need to think hard about how to share appropriately - I'd want to be confident that the paperwork indeed is accurate and this was the reason.

Truly sorry you have to struggle with that kind of difficult information.  Sending warm thoughts and hugs your way.[/quote]

Thanks for responding.  Yes, we are 99% sure (I guess one can never be 100% certain with anything) that this is the reason for her adoption.  Both of her parents came (separately) into the agency to relinquish their rights and sign the papers and the adoption agency was able to interview them both.  DH and I have talked for a very long time, and continue to do so, about how/when we will tell her the full story. Many people say we shouldn't (there is some more difficult info about her birth mom) tell her all the gory details, which I'm not sure I agree w ith, but we're processing it and will most likely seek an adoption therapist for miore guidance.  Right now, all she knwos is very basic stuff but she's still a toddler.[/quote]

Guatemala here again.  You definitely have time.  Stuff that we've read suggests that kids should know their whole story, including difficult details (but discussed in an age-appropriate manner) by the time they hit adolescence.  I don't remember all the details about how to discuss this type of information but a good adoption therapist certainly will be able to help.  Good luck and hugs - you sound very on top of things and as an adoptee yourself, you'll be able to help your daughter a great deal.[/quote]

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