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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Did you get around yet to apologizing to your kids for abandoning and then acting abusively towards them?

If not, go do that. When you come back I'll give you advice.[/quote]

I began writing them a lengthy email last night.  I want to work on it more because I want it to be as perfect as I can make it.

My heart was breaking even more as I wrote it once I was again reminded of what I have lost, the times I will never get back, the times they needed me, the times they reached out to me, thinking about how their all-present loving father quickly evaporated into a memory...only my faith is keeping me going at this point.  [/quote]
Let me guess, then you'll run it by your wife and then have 5-6 more excuses as to why it can't be sent. [/quote]

Op, you are not fundamentally a bad person. Nobody is. We all sometimes make bad decisions and live with regret.

Whether or not you come out of this being a help or a burden to your parents, as well as how people will view you in the long haul, is entirely a function of your attitude. It feels overwhelming, but wallowing in that would be worse. You need, to put it bluntly, to own your own shit. Spilling it onto other people (our parents certainly included) is not a helpful way of dealing with it. Writing self-flagellating posts here is not a helpful way of dealing with it. It's actually a way of avoiding dealing with it and yet still feeling that you've mitigated your responsibility because at least you are harder on yourself than anyone else.

(I've been there. Don't do that. People will end up withdrawing from you, because the have to. You've set up a game that is a black hole.)

Talk about it with a therapist and/or a close friend or two that is explicitly willing to help you deal with the messiness. Friends burn out fast, though. The important part is not punishing yourself, but moving forward. You need a plan for that. You can't see the plan yet. Work on that instead of working on talking about how terrible you are and what you have done. That needs to wait until after you have a viable plan underway. Delving into that now -- more than a simple, straightforward "I'm sorry for what I did, and I'm trying to make it better now" is about deflecting responsibility.

Don't get in the car with Document Review Guy. He has enough on his plate. Don't go there with him. [/quote]

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