Reply to guidance and tips for w staying w spouse after finding out about series of EAs and PAs

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Reply to "guidance and tips for w staying w spouse after finding out about series of EAs and PAs"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m sorry you’re going through this. I haven’t been in your situation but have been in relationships that I wanted to work out so badly that I ignored all the signs that the person wasn’t into me at all.

The person keeps saying things you want to hear, but their actions are completely incongruous with their words.

I am someone who was emotionally neglected as a child but only understood this as an adult how messed up my childhood was. I was shamed and taught that I didn’t deserve better than I was getting.

This did affect my choice of partners - I have had to firmly ignore the words and look at the actions, and stop questioning what I believed, while partner said contradictory statements (I really want to be with you (but I can’t leave my wife))  (my wife is cold towards me (but we’ve bought each other $1000 Christmas gifts)) (I’ve separated from my wife (but we’re living together for financial reasons)).

The hard and painful truth is that your spouse isn’t into you anymore. The marriage you want is over. Your spouse is staying because of security - not because he or she loves you the way you deserve to be loved.

The only way to get through the fog is to get some distance. Believe the actions, not the words.

((HUGS, OP.))
[/quote]

Wait, you're someone who was involved with a married man and come onto a thread where OP has been betrayed by her husband? To compare your situations? OMFG. [/quote]

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