Reply to Why do ppl “stay for the kids?”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My son stayed with his wife for about seven years after his initial visit to a lawyer.  The lawyer pointed out that although the wife was very clearly batshit crazy it was not in such a way that a judge would deem her an unfit mother and so she would get at least 50% custody of their 10 yr old daughter.

He also told my son that although he would have his daughter half the time he would not know what was really going on the other half of the time, and there was nothing stopping the wife from finding a sketchy guy and having a relationship with him or even moving him in to her home.  This possibility was what caused my son to wait until his daughter graduated from HS before he left.  It was very rough but he is very glad he did that now, five years after they split up.

At the time I wanted him to get out because the wife refused to even try to get any help for her problems or proper marriage counseling. It pained me to watch what my son was dealing with, but ultimately I think he was right to stay and although he was often miserable he protected his daughter and almost certainly made her life better than it would have been had he moved out.[/quote]

This is exactly why many of us stay, at least until kids are legal adults - our of HS - in College. My husband has an awful temper and zero patience for kids. I can't bare the thought of them at his place 50% of the time without be there to serve as a buffer. Right now, I handle them nearly 90% of the time and he jumps in here and there to do fun Daddy stuff or answer some homework questions. But the tough, dealing with meltdowns from our younger child, wiping butts, treating while sick, upset, all the forms, keeping up with school work, medical appointments, non-glamorous parenting is up to me. Yes, I hope things will improve in a few years, but the reality is I resent him so much for bailing on me leaving me to solo parent while barely keeping a career going. In the end, I am put on a happy face for the sake of my kids. I will revisit when the youngest moves out to see if I truly can love this man again or am better off alone.[/quote]

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