Reply to For those that ignore eye-rolls and sass

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Tread lightly... I was very bothered by my DD expressing her upset/frustrations and I would respond to let her know that is unacceptable, remind her to be pleasant, or shut that down. DD went through a self-harm (cutting) stage in teen years and after reading up on cutting I really suspect my redirecting all negative emotion expression from her was a root cause.
I like the PP’s outlook that home is a sanctuary for your child too, and a safe space to be with all their messy emotions. I wish I had articulated that outlook for my DD’s youth. [/quote]

I fear I have entered the same territory with my daughter. What did you do or change that was most helpful? Are things better for her now? I think I’m just looking for some reassurance. Thank you. [/quote]

DP. We weren’t allowed to express negativity in our house either. Sass, eye rolls, back talk, rude tone of voice, etc weren’t tolerated. Yelling was right out. Young ladies had to be pleasant, smile, respect their elders, yada yada yada. I didn’t cut, but I did other things. It took a lot of years and distance from my parents to feel like my opinion deserved to be heard. I’m very conflict avoidant still, probably to an unhealthy degree, and I’m in my 40s.

I tend to ignore most of the nonsense, because kids need to be able to blow off steam and express themselves too. I’m allowed to tell them when I’m upset with them. I need to be able to hear it when they tell me, even if indirectly. Add in the fact that they’re still learning how to manage relationships, assert themselves, navigate conflict, plus all those damn hormones... I’m not going to get upset over an eye roll or sarcasm. They’re not allowed to call names, say they hate us, or destroy property, and they get warnings when they get close to those boundaries. Slamming doors gets a warning, as does yelling, but usually that’s enough to get them to take a break and come back with a fresh outlook to handle whatever needs to be handled. [/quote]

I love this.  This is the approach I'm taking too, and working hard to get my DH to do the same.  He tends to overreact to every stupid teen thing, thinking well if we let him get away with this, it'll snowball.  Of course in his memory, my DH was a sweet teen who spent his time helping little old ladies cross the street...

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