Reply to When does “Mean Girl” behavior start?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A lot of this is not "mean girl" behavior, it is just behavior and something to be taught is hurtful. It doesn't need to be pathologized, FFS. Excluding/power/what happens when I say x are all normal developmental phases. It doesn't mean they should not be taught from. But adults deeming 3 and 4 year old children as "mean girls" is ridiculous and inappropriate. It is hard when our children get their feelings hurt. I know. I have seen this far more with my son and his male peers than my daughter. But the kids are not being "mean" or bullies, they are being children. [/quote]

I whole heartedly agree.[/quote]

Disagree. The little girl in my daughter’s class is actively mean. Agree that it’s the adults’ job to guide and teach her and not label her as permanently mean because she’s only 3. But she’s mean.[/quote]

This is silly. Going all "mama bear" on children, especially actual toddlers, over perceived harms to your child is never actually helpful to your child. You, an adult, are labeling a 3 year old. A 3 year old. You are viewing her behavior through the lens of an adult when she likely just started using the toilet. Come on. Grow up. [/quote]

I’m sticking by “she’s mean.” She has two significantly older brothers and she’s likely mimicking their behavior, which isn’t her fault. And to be clear, my child doesn’t come home sad. But I’ve seen the child I’m calling mean do these things to her classmates. Like pick one out of a group and tell that one she can come stand in line with her but the others have to go get at the end of the line. And when the college kid monitoring the birthday started started to object, the 3 year old I’m calling mean says to the college kid, “actually, those other kids cut in line, so they have to go to the back. It’s the rule.” (Which was a lie.) Her mom was standing right there and said/did nothing although she seems pretty clueless so I’m not sure she heard.

The kid I’m calling mean does this stuff ALL THE TIME. Corrects the teachers and starts the sentence with “actually.” Like, “actually, I didn’t get a turn” when she did. Fortunately the teachers call her on it.[/quote]

I’m the person who posted this description. The thing that’s interesting to me is that adults and children generally follow along with what this child says. I will call the child I’m describing as mean Larla. My daughter calls various kids in her class “Layla’s friend” rather than using their names! And the adults at birthday parties (the young adults who staff them at places like nature centers and bounce houses) do not challenge this child when she looks act them and boldly lies while doing something mean and exclusionary to other kids, even though they start to correct her. It’s like her self confidence tells people, “back off.” She is a force. And it’s not reeeeaaaallly a force for good at this point.[/quote]

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