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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP- I can see why your DH a felt attacked and blamed for all of the problems in the marriage based on your arm chair degree diagnosis  so he flipped it around and started attacking you. When is the last time you told him what you appreciate about him or that he makes you so happy? As for the domestic  responsibilities, I don’t know a DH I would want to be married to that does close to half.  I am attracted to Alpha males and knew my DH was not going to take on a lot of domestic chores. When my kids were little I outsourced or hired help so I wasn’t resentful and everyone was happy.  Perhaps focus on the things you admire or attracted you to your DH...play on his strengths.[/quote]

NP. I’m going to tackle this nonsense. I have over 12 years more marriage than OP. My husband and I have done marriage counseling. The counselor suggested to him that he look into getting tested for ADD after hearing all the ways in which his life and our marriage have been affected: Not opening mail, even checks, forgetting to pay bills before I took over, his personal spaces a mess, can’t function with outside noises ‘disrupting’ him, never finishing a project or finishing things without finesse, refusing to admit things need fixing, etc..  Net response is he feels attacked and blamed, because he’s unwilling to address even the simplest aspect of the problems, and expects a cheerleading squad rather than a simple thank you for handling that when he DOES address something. When the parade doesn’t happen, a ‘why bother’ attitude becomes the norm.

Often ADD people won’t admit there ARE chores to be done (you are OCD for wanting them done) and won’t pay for the outsourcing of help, if the spouse is a SAH parent, because their ADD keeps them from seeing the issues at hand.  If the spouse works, all his/her resources are spent on keeping things status quo and that person now feels trapped by their job and all the responsibilities, while the ADD spouse lives carefree. Untreated ADD partners are like having another child. [/quote]

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